Suffering In Silence? You Can Help Yourself, When You're Dating a No Show Cheat.
Posted: Thursday, April 24, 2008
by Sacreeta
Suffering in Silence because you are 'Dating' a No Show lying smooth talking cheat? Is he running around on me? How do you pick up the pieces and move on, or even begin to move on, when you have been lied to soo many times, that you are having a hard time figuring out what is real anymore?
As with my other Love Advice articles, I am using a 'he', and it is understood he and she. For ease of reading, and writing it.
This article is a continuation to my article on the signs of living with a no show, being the wife, the serious girlfriend. But what about the other woman. What if she doesn't know anymore about you, then you know about her?
How do you know you're dating a no show?
No Commitment.
* Sounds like he's not jealous. Some guys aren't. But when it leaves you feeling like he's bascially saying you're not a couple, when you're sleeping together, then yes, he's showing a sign of a no show. When you tell him that you were out on the town, with your friends, he acts cavalier, and doesn't pursue the topic of you picking up someone else. Even if it's brought up, he won't bite. The conversation you have with him about this, leaves you the impression that he has no more right to ask you not to fall for some handsome man out there, than you would be of him falling for some gorges chick. He also acts like he has no right to care, if you have a male guest in your house that he doesn't know when he shows up. And either doesn't come in, or leaves before he crosses your threshold. As if he doesn't want anyone to know he knows you.
Stay away from my personal life.
If you figure out where he works, and you show up, he acts like he doesn't know you, and seems angry that you are there. He tells you to never do that again, or he'll never speak to you. In some cases, you aren't even sure where he lives.
If you figure out where he works, and you show up, he acts like he doesn't know you, and seems angry that you are there. He tells you to never do that again, or he'll never speak to you. In some cases, you aren't even sure where he lives.
He's the running no show joke, with your friends.
Is he the running joke with your friends, as the phantom boyfriend, and they all start nick naming him No Show Joe, for example?
Stands you up, when it's party night.
He will make plans with you on a Friday night, and not show up, expecting you to stay in waiting for him. Then get angry if you bring it up, with no explanation, and a threat to leave you if you bring it up again.
Cagey and secretive, about his personal life.
If you ask him simple things about his past loves, try to get him to share his life, who his friends are he becomes defensive, and sometimes insulting. He uses the excuse, don't ask me about my personal life, I find jealousy insulting and I won't be with a jealous person.
* Hunny, if he's blackmailing you with the fear that if you say anything, it's jealousy, that's a load of bull. There can be jealousy in a relationship, true that has nothing to do with love but there is moving onto a new level in your relationship where meeting their friends and family is natural. Keeping you in the dark using the threat of leaving you for being jealous is a lame excuse. That is playing on your emotions, trying to challenge you not to be a typical female, (male) and that is one of the oldest tricks of emotional blackmail.
Calls you clingy, when you are getting too close.
Another form of emotional blackmail is when he tells you that he doesn't like clingy, needy women. Making you feel if you want to be part of his life, that he won't like you anymore and will leave you. There are clingy, needy women (men) out there, but that's extreme cases. Those people are co-dependent, and are an entire different issue. But when you are dating for months, and months, and you naturally want to know about his past, his dreams, where he works.. his cell phone number. That's natural, common, and not clingy.
Walks the other way when you see him in public.
If he's with anyone, espeically a woman. He will quickly turn a heel and walk the other way when he sees you in public. He will become angry with you if you ever dare ask who she is. Even if he's with the guys, he'd still ignore you in public.
Stranger danger.
If he ever took you out in public, it's to a place niether of you have been to before. And it's never to the same place twice. If he did take you out, he shuts off his cell phone, and makes excuses to leave if he sees anyone he or you know.
Calling them your boyfriend.
It is common to refer to them as your boyfriend (girlfriend) if you are having a sexual relationship for six months. People have gotten engaged in shorter lengths than that. But you know he'd blow a gasket if you called him your boyfriend.. so you don't.
If they are shaming you for calling them your boyfriend, (girlfriend) become cagey and agitated when you refer to them that way, they are not respecting you, and the‘exclusive' privileges' you are giving them to your intimate parts. That isn't healthy for you, and it won't get better, if they continue to treat you that way.
Showing up more than twice a month.
It is comomon to expect to see your boyfriend more than twice a month, and you only see him twice a month, and he uses the lame excuse that he was busy, busy, busy. And gets angry if you ask him about it, and says things like. Well I'm here now. That is the most classic sign of a no show. Usually given by a married man, or a man in a serious relationship that he doesn't want you to know about.
It is common to refer to them as your boyfriend (girlfriend) if you are having a sexual relationship for six months. People have gotten engaged in shorter lengths than that. But you know he'd blow a gasket if you called him your boyfriend.. so you don't.
If they are shaming you for calling them your boyfriend, (girlfriend) become cagey and agitated when you refer to them that way, they are not respecting you, and the‘exclusive' privileges' you are giving them to your intimate parts. That isn't healthy for you, and it won't get better, if they continue to treat you that way.
Showing up more than twice a month.
It is comomon to expect to see your boyfriend more than twice a month, and you only see him twice a month, and he uses the lame excuse that he was busy, busy, busy. And gets angry if you ask him about it, and says things like. Well I'm here now. That is the most classic sign of a no show. Usually given by a married man, or a man in a serious relationship that he doesn't want you to know about.
Using you for sex.
The only time you see him is when he wants sex, and then he dashes off. A no show will systematically show up, every two weeks, or what ever his routine is, look for bedroom activities, and shoot off after it's over. It really hurts you, but you can't say anything to him about it, or try to get conversation in with him, because he never talks with you.
Exclusive rights to your body is something that is earned hunny, and treating you with disrespect is not earning anything. It will eventually make you feel cheap, used, and worthless. Your self esteem will fade, no matter how hard you try to fight it.
You have never met his family or friends.
If you are not having unrealistic expectations about your relationship, and are being shamed for it, then you are emotionally being blackmailed. If your lover loves you, they will be proud to show you off to their family and friends. What you are feeling about the levels of your relationship is normal, and after being with him for a few months, up to six, you should have met his family by now. And if you are wondering why, it's because he's keeping you as a secret.
If you don't like being second best, then don't be.
There are a few things that you could keep in the back of your mind when you are stuck with a no show.
- Remember that the majority of guys are sincere when it comes to women, and you'd have to be unlucky to run into a no show, but it can happen, to the best of us.
- There are good guys out there, who will treat you like gold and give you the respect that you deserve.. but you have to free yourself first from the no show, and find the happiness you deserve.
- Listen to your friends when they tell you the truth, they are tyring to help, because they love you and worry about you.
- Don't be afraid to break-up with him, he is wasting your time, and your precious life. Precious time that you can't get back.
- Plus you could catch some type of disease or creepy crawlers, which is common with people who have multiple partners.
- It's unfair to you to be faithful to someone who is not faithful to you.
- Know you are worth every effort that a man puts into a woman, when he's in love, and you deserve no less than that.
- When he tells you that he is only afraid of commitment, remember that introducing you to his friends is something a guy does to show you off.. and has nothing to do with commitment.
Even if you believe him that he is afraid of commitment, and the relationship you are in is making you feel sad, edgy and unsettled, and it's not giving you all that you need and want, it's ok to say that you deserve better. And remember, no one will give you better, you have to go out and get it for yourself.
Be well.If he is a no show cheating sly dog, you will probably be the last to know, if you ever learn the whole truth. If he fits into the signs above, he could be using you as the other woman.
Knowing or not, what it all really boils down to is, does he make you happy? Is the relationship giving you what you want and deserve?. It's up to you, you know your situation better than anyone. Take care with all your choices, and good luck.
Sacreeta
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)I've always said that romantic relationships don't have to come down to cheating if both sides stay honest to each other. Let's face an honest, well, fact. For most men it is hard to stay faithful with one woman if they are into a romantic relationship early in life. Now that 'early in life' is really a subjective term. However, it can be safely said that for most men the age of 40 is the limit. After that most men can't afford to just break relationships for starting over another. So, i think men and women, both need to understand and be open to the fact that any romantic relation below the age of 40 (mostly with men) is always uncertain. The solution is 'short term relationships' in my opinion. It really don't have anything that can hurt too much either of the individuals. Just my 2 cent worth.
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